Grace to Grace

Sometimes it seems like I live my life “from grace to grace,” moving from one place of redemption to another. This is the beauty of the gospel; God never tires of pouring His compassion on us and showering us with the mercy of love that keeps us truly alive.

But sometimes, I get a vision of a life free from the bondage of sin, the things that displease God and those things that try to keep me distant from His love. It’s a curious life we live as Christians, because living in God’s love isn’t something we can attain through striving. We simply have to let it be. And this is something I’m learning more and more each day; I must surrender myself entirely to the will of God, embrace everything that God has made me to be, and resist the temptation to measure myself by the world’s standards.

I must fight to be the kind of guy who embraces faithfulness, strength, and self-sacrifice above pleasure, worldly stimulation, and self-interest.

And, uh, I should start writing here more often.

He is Dreaming Over Us

Sometimes, in all our hoping and praying and fighting to be something bigger, we get a glimpse of One who is the biggest, most powerful of all. One who looks at us with eyes full of hope. And it is in these moments I am brought to my knees. There are times I’m so overwhelmed, so completely overtaken by the wonders of God, that all I can do is close my eyes and say “Thank you.”

It’s this very God who is right now, this very moment, breathing air into your lungs, whispering hope into your broken places, and dreaming over you bigger dreams than you can imagine. He is so desperate for you to be true, to be light, that he is passionately pursuing you despite your imperfections.

So, I say, have your moment with Him. In the quiet, think of who you have been in the past. Remember your sinfulness, remember where it led you, and then remember that God was there at the end of it all with nothing but love, forgiveness, and a purpose. He will bring you to higher places, and He will triumph.

Hidden Seasons

I’ve just finished reading part one of a book I was given, “Anonymous,” and I am happy to say I’ve found the very book I needed to.

Have you ever stumbled upon a book, or person, that just seemed to get it? It’s like I’ve thrown my hands up. “Finally!”

What I’ve learned from this book is simple. I think a list will relay it best:

1. I’m certainly in a “hidden” season. And I need to start appreciating it.

2. I must stop living for the excitement of the future and instead relish today. It’s hard to keep my eyes off that future book deal, worship album, hot wife, or whatever else I’m just so sure God has for me, but I must. Keeping focused on such things reveals a lot, and not much of it is good.

3. I miss writing. I should start back again.

4. I’ve not handled myself well in the past. Enough said.

It’s a lot to take in, but it’s so, so good. God is speaking, and I’m just now starting to listen. Pray with me, if you remember, for God to open my eyes to what He is doing in my life.

Today’s Looking Good

Today is AWESOME outside, and I’m excited about a few things coming up. It’s been a while since I’ve been excited about anything. Ever been there?

Today, I’m taking Josh to eat with his mom (probably Chili’s), going to the gym, and then heading over to SAGU to spend the weekend with some good friends. Let’s all pray together that this weekend is refreshing. I need it. Oh, and let’s also pray that we make some progress with foster care today. They aren’t very cooperative.

New

The past couple months have been, er, difficult, to say the least. But, God is faithful, and I’m learning that patience, though difficult, can be very rewarding. Not that I’ve been patient, by the way. It’s just, I’ve now seen first-hand what it feels like to want more, expect more, and need more, only to have my hopes shattered. It happens to all of us, I suppose.

I also learned that going off your crazy pills too fast can really, really suck.

But the biggest lesson I’ve learned lately is that nothing can substitute a good community. I firmly believe God works best through His people, and when you don’t have those people around you, life gets a little darker. Well, a lot darker.

Let’s use myself as an example. Because of a couple bad decisions, and my honesty, I lost my home, my community, my school, my church, my direction, my everything. And it’s only recently, after throwing myself into a new circle of friends, that I’ve found healing. These are the people who’ve renewed my hope in Christ, pointed me toward the right Scripture, and shown me a true example of God’s forgiveness towards us. It’s great, and it shows just how important good community really is.

Remember that next time you’re with your friends. If they’re the type of people I just described, say thanks. Point it out. And if they aren’t, figure out a way to change it. And if you’re someone who doesn’t have a circle of friends at all, well, I know what it’s like. Find one. Be vulnerable. Take a risk. Throw yourself out there. You need it.

Best Thing About Today

Just spent an hour or so going through my taxes, bank statements, credit card information, and everything else stuffed into this filing cabinet, and I organized it all. Anybody else get satisfaction from this type of thing?

Spent today driving around the entire state of Texas to get everything finalized to be Josh’s foster care provider. We’re almost there! Just one more day, and it will be finished. Mailing the contract out tomorrow, signed and finished.

Brokenness

I think sometimes God will allow us to enter seasons of testing, dark times of searching and wandering, of hoping that all is not lost, when He will speak to us most clearly. That is, if only we would listen. I wonder if everyone doesn’t find themselves in a time like this at some point or another.

It’s as if we’re a silent club, isn’t it? There’s something spectacular about the way broken people are connected, as though something is lying just underneath the surface that only we can understand. It isn’t quite tangible, yet almost, and it can’t be described, but for those of us who’ve experienced real pain, it’s easy to find.

It’s in the eyes most of the time. Sometimes you’ll hear it in a word or phrase, or sometimes, like now, it’s in a blog entry. I think one of the most useful places I allow my brokenness to shine through is when I sing and lead worship.

I remember once, after I led, someone came up to me. She was walking towards me, and it looked like she was shaking. It wasn’t until she had grabbed my arm and I had looked into her eyes that I saw she was crying. She told me that I sang from a deeper place.

What I realized afterward was that brokenness connects people in a way more powerful than any well-written song, carefully planned worship set, or eloquently-given message could ever hope to.

It’s embracing our sin, the broken parts of our soul, and allowing them to humble us that will let Jesus shine through and bring God’s kingdom to earth. No more competing, no more trying to be “the best,” and no more believing the lie that we are great. Jesus said himself that only One is good, and I, for one, believe him.

It’s interesting to me that we aren’t taught to be meek and poor in spirit. If broken and desperate people were the ones whom Jesus sought after most, shouldn’t we strive for that? I’ll make it my goal to find that kind of humility, and I’ll do it all for the glory of God.

A good place to start, for anyone interested in becoming meek and poor in spirit, is by finding what makes you broken. Find it, and then soak in it and ask God to be glorified because of it. He will cleanse your soul, refresh your spirit, and send you off better than when you came: empowered, full, and useful for His kingdom.

Been a While

The Holy Spirit keeps reminding me I haven’t spent real, quality time with Him in months. So, instead of writing something impressive and powerful, I’m going to soak in the presence and love of God.

When was the last time you let God love on you? Put in some headphones, turn up Jesus Culture, read the words of Jesus, and listen for His voice.

Madly

This is one of my favorite worship songs. It’s so simple, but it’s central to the call of every Christian. I recorded this on a macbook with a good friend, Denise, who’d probably kill me if she knew I put this up. Oh well.

Madly (w Denise) by jasonstansel

3 Things to Know…

I’m off to get a couple things done today, but wanted to take a few minutes to write some things down I’ve learned over the past few weeks. This is mostly for me; I tend to forget.

1. God keeps no record of wrongs. This is a good one. People like you and I tend to forget this after we gossip, slander, relinquish our peace, fail to trust, and take our eyes from the prize. There’s always a God of reconciliation right there to pick us up, brush us off, and gently discipline us back into fellowship with Him.

2. All things really do work out in the end. Oh, how I need to hear this. What an insane few weeks I’ve experienced; yet, through everything, God is constant. Even if my faithfulness is horribly…non…constant.

3. Community with God’s people is key to a fulfilled walk. Someone might argue with me over this; I’m not sure my theology is totally correct. And, they’d probably win. All I know is this: spending time with genuine, humble, and sweet people of the Kingdom somehow always leave me feeling refreshed and renewed. Spending time alone, left to my own devices, usually ends up in something…else. Do you know what I mean? Confused, asking too many questions, defeated.

I’m going to get a Texas driver’s license now. Barf.