No. 29

We just had an amazing time during life group time. This is what I have been looking for here since I got here! Unity, openness, and honesty! Today, a lot of our “junk” came out, and we were all completely honest with each other about where we’ve been and what God has accomplished in and through us. It was so freeing, and we were able to see one person, in particular, be set free from serious bondage. I love community, I love people, and I love Jesus. I am so excited and honored to be a part of His family.

No. 28

Another picture giving you an idea of the people with whom I live, do ministry, learn, and grow. Meet Denise.

She has an unbelievable voice and we sing and write together all the time. Look forward to some, hopefully, sick recordings of our originals in the near future. I love this place.

No. 28

I knew today would be stressful, but I had no idea how up and down it would be. It has ended up an awesome day, but, like I said, not always easy. I led worship during prayer today, sort of a harp-and-bowl thing. It went really well, and I think it’s those environments that I am going to grow the most in confidence. I also had to lead a rehearsal today in my worship leading class. It was only one song, but it was still uncomfortable. I wasn’t exactly nervous, but unsure at least. It went well though, and I learned a LOT about how to lead a team. 

Oh, and I came across this, and I’m not quite sure what to make of it:

Taco Soup? And it’s blood red! Might be the weirdest soup I have ever seen.

I think the highlight of today was tonight during our intercession group. After stressful phonecalls, stressful times on stage, and an overall crazy day, I knew my soul needed time to unwind. I walked through the pouring rain an hour early for prayer tonight and, fortunately, found it empty. I felt the Spirit speaking very gently, but also very firmly, that I needed rest. It is during these times that He speaks most clearly, encouraging me and speaking words of life to my heart. Tonight he urged me to press in and reminded me of a promise He spoke to me a month or so ago, that He would not let me fall. I laid in the floor of the prayer room by myself and just soaked in that promise for a bit, and I even drifted off to sleep (ha). God is taking me somewhere new very fast, and I am so appreciative of what He is doing, I am just struggling a bit to trust Him. Good thing He’s full of grace, though, right?

Our prayer time tonight was great. There were only 7 or so of us, so we just sat in a circle for 15 minutes or so before praying and talked about what was going on, what we needed to intercede for. But, since “rest” was the theme for the night, I just encouraged us all to be still, to be silent and sit in awe of who He is. We prayed mostly to ourselves, but something interesting happened. Jordne, a student from SAGU who prays with us some, received a word from Him and spoke it out loud as if she were Him speaking to us. I immediately received one myself afterwards and we went back and forth in the complete silence exhorting those in the room to trust, to not be insecure, to rest in Him, and to place their worth in Him alone. It was a powerful night, even though it was the most quiet and subtle.

Today, as I said, has been up and down, but I wouldn’t do anything differently. I received so much encouragement from leadership today, from my discipleship meeting with Brandon Pardekooper to having lunch with my worship pastor Clayton (well, watching him eat lunch while I fasted for Mardi Gras along with the rest of OSL). It was a good day, and I am reaffirmed in my calling once again. I hope I will come to a point, and quickly, where I don’t rely on words for affirmation that I am on the right track. 

I will leave you with this: did you know this thing cost $100,000?! I am still shocked. It isn’t even that big!

No. 27

Isn’t this new theme awesome? I have a plan for this blog, and it’s much more for me than for the two people who will read this, but I want to begin organizing and storing notes on here, special moments, journals, great songs, essays, creative writing, songs, and even sermon notes. I’m about to start compiling song lyrics on here that I’ve written since I got here, too. I had hoped I would have more time to write and just sit, but it hasn’t quite worked out that way. 

And now, a brief explanation of my life the past couple weeks in pictures.

First. it must be said that I found a new way to wear a beanie that actually works for me (well, as far as I can tell). 

I would like to point out two things: (a) that beanie was given to me, along with several other things, by an amazing family I met in Minnesota, and (b) I have worn this particular hoody for a week straight and only washed it once. And I don’t care. Oh, and (c) I really didn’t know what kind of face to make in this picture, so that’s what I came up with. I am very pleased with my new grungy appearance. It’s liberating, somehow, right?

Now, as for who is responsible for this new beanie:

Here is Liz.

And here is Alex. Everyone who has made fun of me for wearing this beanie for a week solid can thank them, because they are the ones who picked it out and bought it for me. Thanks, Glass children. All this talk of people I love has reminded me of my worship pastors, whom I captured with my camera phone during worship leading class the other day.

From left to right you see Ross, Clayton, Sam, and Candis. Notice the way Ross is wearing his hat…yes, I did copy him. No, I am not guilty for it. Ross is to blame for the way I wear my hat, and Candis is the one responsible for this:

And by “this” I mean dancing and singing to a backing track for our little kids service this morning at church. As I tweeted earlier, that had to have been the most awkward thing I have ever attempted. Be looking for video of this on Facebook soon (thanks, Micah Lamb.) 

Now for the most enjoyable part of the past two weeks. Well, most enjoyable and the most stressful.

This is a picture of some of the worship interns hanging out in the lobby of Spaceway, the recording studio our church owns and runs, the same one we have access to all the time. Here we are learning how to record on stations and writing songs with Shane and Shane, who have joined staff at our church and who are helping train us all up as worship leaders. 

So, although my pastors are stressing me out and causing me to be very uncomfortable, they get away with it MOSTLY because they are just…really cool. Take Candis, for example.

You really can’t argue with bright blue sneaks. 

I’ve been learning so much about myself and I have been stretched more this semester than I ever have in my life. I am so appreciative of this program and for the people and leaders I have surrounding me. Now, off to study…

No. 26

OSL’ers know the significance of this picture. I am so ready to see what He has planned for this trip.

A.W. Tozer, As Obedient Children, 02.06.10

“As Obedient Children” 1 Peter 1:14

Interestingly, we are not commanded to be obedient in this passage, but merely described as such. In other words, to be a believer is to be obedient. Peter assumed that his audience would be obedient because of their claim to be Christ’s followers, thus he says “AS obedient children.” Apart from obedience there can be no salvation; the essence of sin is rebellion against the divine authority. Think of Eve’s instruction: “do NOT eat of the fruit.” Her sin was that of rebellion and disobedience, bringing sin into the world. 

Furthermore, it is stated in Ephesians that “people of the world are children of disobedience,” they are molded and shaped by their rebellion and disobedience. The question, then, is “who is boss?”, “to whom do I belong?”, “to whom do I owe allegiance?”, and “who has authority to require obedience of me?” As Americans, among all the people of the world, we are the most difficult to get to obey, as we are “sons of freedom.”  Even the nature of our liberty is that of rebellion, and so we do not take kindly to being obedient to anyone.

We Americans, according to Tozer, embody the world as the Bible speaks of it, although he recognizes his appreciation for this country.

The people of the world will say they belong to themselves. They believe they owe allegiance to no one, but they give it to whomever they believe. They say that no one has authority to require obedience of them. The liberation of America is this: we have created our laws, and we give anyone in office the power to have their position. The point is that we are very used to doing things our way and having all authority.

Freewill says that God has given us the power of self-determination, but he has not given us the right to it. Unlike a car, or plane, or other object which does not have the power of self-determination, we are able to put ourselves in motion and make decisions. We do not have the right to self-determination because God has clearly given us a choice of good or evil, and we do not have the right to choose evil. We do not have the right to lie, to steal, murder, or commit crime but we have the power to do so. We never have a right to be bad, but only good, because God is good, just like Adam and Eve had no moral right to the tree and the fruit they ate of.

“Our wills are ours to make them thine.” In other words, our wills are ours so that we can give them back to God in obedience. God has the right to command and we have the right to obey, and thankfully his burden is light and leads us to life and joy in obeying Him. 

There has been a heresy taught in many Christian circles, and it is this: 

1. That we are saved by accepting Christ as our savior.

2. That we are sanctified by accepting Christ as our Lord.

3. That you can do one without the other.

We cannot take Jesus as our savior without taking him as our Lord, although the opposite is preached in many circles. Scripture does not teach that Jesus can have a divided relationship with His children, and that’s exactly what happens when someone takes Jesus as savior but not as Lord. In fact, Scripture consistently refers to Jesus as our “Lord,” and uses that word in place of Savior. Interesting, because that denotes a kind of expected obedience. Salvation apart from obedience is unknown in the sacred Scriptures.

No one can receive half of Christ, or part of Christ. We are not to believe on an office or a work, but on a Lord who did that work and who holds that office. We must submit ourselves to Him as Lord and obey his commands. It is here that we will find life and abundance, and it is where He is most pleased. And that should be our motivation; not blessings for ourselves, but only that He might be pleased. 

Heaven is heaven because of the obedience of its inhabitants, and hell is hell because of it’s inhabitant’s disobedience. Choose heaven.

No. 25

I just came across this picture on my phone and thought, you know, this really sums up our program. No boundaries, way too much in errbody’s business, but family. I love this place.

No. 24

It has been so, so long since I’ve written anything, and so much has happened lately. This semester has been interesting, to say the least. I’ve regained respect from people whom I thought I never would, realized leadership potential I didn’t know I had in me, entered into a season of intercessory prayer I never saw coming, and have seen God move in ways I never thought possible. My faith is as strong as it has ever been and my love for people has never been more real than it is now.

I’ve been trying learn and grow as best as I know how, all the while being as honest with myself as possible, and I think it has paid off. It hasn’t been easy, though; no, this internship with Shane & Shane has proven itself to be at once the most difficult and most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. Getting up there and writing and presenting songs is hard enough, not to mention leading worship and dealing with all the internal insecurities, pride issues, envy, and ugly stuff that comes with being a Christian musician. I’m getting better at balancing myself, being real with myself, and quickly identifying and correcting the problem areas I am able to see. I never stop praying that God will search me and reveal to me where I am at fault and need discipline and correction.

The road to leadership is difficult because it’s full of surprises and certainly full of criticism. But what I’ve learned the most is that we must learn to be comfortable with who we are, that our worth is not tied up in anything we are able to do but instead is totally connected to who God has said we are. We are sons and daughters, royalty in His courts, and we have the authority of His son at our very words!

I have seen this semester, because of my one small act of faith in organizing a prayer group, God move in supernatural ways, sending us speakers who’s messages were on the very subject we had been praying for, miraculous healings, and our community come into a deeper and deeper level with the Father as we have been obedient and said yes to His call on our lives to prayer. I am excited to see what He has planned for not just my life, but the life of OSL.

God is here and He is amazing. I have lots more to write but am way too tired to worry about it. Next entry will be tomorrow sometime, probably, about a converation I had yesterday with Ross, one of my worship pastors.

Matt Chandler, The Village Church, 01.03.10

Be intrigued by the tension in Scripture and don’t be afraid to dig and ask questions. There will always be pieces in Scripture you can’t figure out or put together. Since God is outside of time he will be able to see things we are unable to. Here is where faith must come in, not where we turn our brains off and say “stupid stuff”. Use proper exegesis to find the answers.

According to Ephesians 1, before the universe was made, God chose some of us to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ according to the purpose of his will. So why should we pray for people to be saved then? Clearly this passage teaches that there aren’t certain “cards we can play” to ensure the people we love are saved, because salvation belongs to the Lord.

Furthermore, Romans 9 teaches that people are either vessels for destruction or vessels for good. Proverbs 16 says that everything is ordained by God. It is clear that God is a sovereign God, that he is in control and that He ordains things before they come to pass.

But, what happens when we get to certain passages that teach God changes his mind, as in the example of Moses in the desert? He pleaded with God to spare the Israelites because he knew the Egyptians would think God “just dragged His people out to the desert to kill them.” The text then says that “God relented.” In other words, God changed his mind. This is the tension. How can God be both sovereign and still change his mind at times? The answer is simple: “he just does.

That said, we must be aware of our tendency to reduce God to a “magician”. We cannot allow ourselves to enter the mindset that God loves us only if He does what we say. And we must also resist the temptation to polarize God’s function in either direction. In other words, it isn’t acceptable to say that our prayers are useless because God already has a plan and neither is it appropriate to believe we must “fast and pray and bother” until He answers. It is sufficient to understand that God’s plan is already set in place but that our prayers can move his heart to action.

Listen to the full podcast here.

No. 23

I can be so irritating to myself sometimes. Today I went through and changed my journal entry titles, because I realized how hard I was trying and then saw how stupid most of them were. “No. 23″ is a good title. Simple and true, right? 

Oh, all I want to be is honest. I sit here and type a paragraph and delete and restart it, I guess so you get the correct angle and think a certain thing about me. I grow so tired of all that, and I think I’m coming to season now where those things don’t matter as much. I’m becoming more able to see me for me instead of what I assume other people see, and what a wonderful thing that is! I’m overwhelmed tonight by the things God is teaching me.

Today, I walked into church from the freezing cold outside (I’m in Minnesota..), brushed the snow off my shoes and walked into the sanctuary with a bunch of middle school kids, expecting nothing more than a worship set and message. What I got though, was much more than that! I somehow began talking to a new “acquaintance,” one who I really thought I would connect with, and came to some really beautiful revelations about a certain friendship I’m struggling with right now. It was so refreshing to be open and honest with someone, to connect with someone in the same way I would connect with people back in Georgia. My friends are so awesome, in case you didn’t know. I miss them.

But anyway, in this empty church foyer with the lights dimmed low I began pouring myself out to this guy and just admitting and confessing things. Have you ever met someone and just found a kind of safety? The kind of person you just know is trustworthy? Well, this person was definitely one of them. It was a great conversation, centered mostly on issues I’m dealing with right now and I think I came to the realization that the biggest thing I’m battling is believing that God could use me. I’m not trusting Him in the way I should, and I’m comparing myself entirely too much.

A lot of things have been engrained in me, and I just have to refuse to allow them to win over my usefulness. I think I sometimes look at other people, their advantages, their gifts, and assume I could never be that way, that I could never be as anointed as they are. Silly, right? I agree, but it’s something I’m struggling with. It comes out mostly when I see other worship leaders and singer/songwriters. I think of David, the Psalmist, and how anointed and special he was. I know people like him, and I sometimes look at myself in comparison to them, in my own brokenness and struggles and think I could never be like that, that I could never move in that kind of anointing. Well, that just isn’t true. I really took ownership tonight of the fact that God will use my hurts and pain, the way people have used or treated me, and my own mistakes, to usher in that anointing. It is my brokenness that will carry my ministry through! 

So many things to write, but too tired tonight to get it all out. Hopefully tomorrow :D